Patsy Porco

Archive for the ‘Technology’ Category

The New Kidnappers

In Computers, Humor on August 4, 2016 at 12:39 am

Remember the good old days when criminals hacked into your computer to steal your bank and personal information and they did it discreetly, so that you didn’t notice the theft for days, weeks, or years? You might never have noticed if you hadn’t received foreclosure notices for a house in Kentucky you didn’t know you owned, or if a repo guy didn’t show up to tow a car you never had.

Today’s criminals are gutsy. Not only do they hack into your computer, but they gloat about it, and then demand payment to return your files. Once you pay, what’s to stop them from doing it again? They can ride this money train into the cyberspace sunset.

Check out this email thread that my husband started yesterday on Facebook. His story is true.

8/2/2016

Frank (my husband): My desktop computer at work was hacked. I opened up an email and all of my files were encrypted. I rebooted and then a ransom note appeared saying I had three days to pay in bitcoin currency to get my files decrypted. How crazy is this? Our IT guy is on the case!

Karen E: Damn hackers!

Me: I wonder if modern computer kidnappers talk like old-school people-kidnappers?: “Vee hoff your computair. Send many bitcoin now.”

Art K: Isn’t Paul B an IT expert?????? He may need to be called into the case.

Paul B: Bummer Frank. If u send me the bitcoins I may be able to fix.

Ron B: Good luck Frank. I had the same thing happen to me. The hacker turned on my laptop camera and took a picture of me and threatened to turn over all the “dirt” he could dig up on me. I was able to power down for a day then put a paper clip in the reset button and most of my files were saved. I’m sure there’s a better way but I’m no computer geek.

Me: Did you see “Burn After Reading”? Maybe they were going to give it to the Russians. Haha.

Ron B: Once I knew it was a scam, it was actually hysterical. It had a picture of Pres. Obama saluting the flag and authorizing that I pay the money. The only part that was not hysterical was that I did lose some files and lots of pictures.

Leo C: It was the DNC.


8/3/2016

UPDATE: I’ve received a ransom amount: $287.09. My IT person says the Russians are definitely behind all the hacking done in the U.S. Hey Comrade Hacker, I am not paying a single cent to you. I don’t negotiate with terrorists!

Dano P: Search for the Trend Micro ransomware removal and decryption tools.

Frank: Yeah, my IT guy just added that and he just told me that my backup drive was encrypted as well! This sucks!!!

Dano P: Send bitcoin to ComradeArrakis@TheBigQ.net.

Martian Magic

In Humor, Technology on August 22, 2015 at 5:42 pm

martian dollWhen I was in elementary school, my fifth-grade teacher, Mr.(Kenneth) Sheinen, held up a clear, plastic, Bic ballpoint pen and asked the class to explain to a Martian, in writing, what it was, and what it was used for. He told us that we had to consider that the Martian had just landed on Earth and everything on our planet was foreign to him (of course it was a him; it was 1970, and times weren’t yet a-changin’* in Northeast Philadelphia).

Mr. Sheinen wanted us to describe every aspect of the pen: what it was made of, what filled the clear tube inside the pen, what the pointed tip of the pen did, how the caps were used and why, etc.

At the time, I remember thinking that, to a Martian, a ballpoint pen would appear to be magical. While we knew that they had cool stuff, like spaceships, antennas, bulging eyes, and green skin, they certainly didn’t have ballpoint pens. After all, who would want to write in Martian?

Looking back, I’m sure that Mr. Sheinen gave us this complicated project just to get some quiet time. Or, maybe he actually wanted to learn about Bic pens, his being a Martian and all.

This got me to thinking about what we perceive as magic. If I happened to time-travel from the 1700s into today’s world, I would be ready to burn everyone as witches. How could I, as an 18th-century person, not think that computers, cell phones, GPS, television, radio, streaming video and audio, Skype, and on and on, weren’t magic, and probably black magic? So much of what we use and create is invisible.

Centuries from now, when our civilization is excavated by archaeologists, what will they make of all the flat black boxes of varying sizes that they find in every house, and next to every skeleton? They won’t know about the satellites we relied on to make them work, or the electricity we used to power them. It would be fun to hear them speculate about their use.

Every thousand years or so, civiizations and their secrets disappear. That’s why I don’t understand why we marvel at the building of pyramids and the other wonders of our world. Everyone has seen drawings of the building of the pyramids, and they always include ropes hoisting slaves up each level to continue the job of building. Why? If we’ve harnessed the invisible powers of magnetism, electricity, sound, space, etc., for our needs, why do we not consider that Egyptians might have used the power of the mind, the body, or something else?

It does seem that once certain secrets of the universe have been discovered and utilized by a civilization, that society’s days are numbered. And once it’s gone, most of its knowledge is erased. The next group starts from scratch, just like poor Sisyphus, the Corinthian king who was doomed to rolling a huge boulder up a hill, watching it roll down again, and beginning again, forever.

This reminds me of Mr. Sheinen’s essay. Every time we handed our composition in to him, he said that it wouldn’t make sense to a Martian, so we started over. I hope that he finally learned how to use his Bic pen.

Bic pen

*The Times They Are a-Changin’, a song by Bob Dylan, 1964

Pick Up The Phone!

In Humor, Phones, Technology on January 18, 2015 at 5:16 pm

My best friend from childhood won’t take my emails. But she will take my calls. I had gotten into the habit of emailing her, but she wouldn’t stand for it. She returned my emails by telephone. I had to get re-familiarized with talking on the phone (which I had done for at least 45 years before electronic communication became the norm), but you know, it was much more gratifying than reading typed words. Plus, I got to hear her husband shouting comments over her shoulder. You don’t get that from an email.

She’s right, though. So much is lost in the translation when communication is done with your fingers. You miss the laughter, the sighs, the happiness, the joy, the sadness (and family members’ comments from the background). You can guess at the other person’s mood by the words you’re reading, but you can also easily miss the nuances of a conversation—or even take offense at a comment, when no offense was intended. It’s all about the tone.

Texting/inboxing/IMing/emailing comes in handy for quick chats, but when you don’t see a friend or relative regularly, as my BFF says, “pick up the phone!” If you’re spending time going back and forth texting with a person, it’s obvious that you’re interested in the conversation, so why not hear his or her voice while you’re at it?

Electronic communication has its place, but it also eliminates the old-school, relaxing, sip-your-coffee-while-chatting element. Talking on the phone to a good friend is like taking a free vacation. Who would pass up a free vacation?

Résumés Now Need Keywords? I’ll Give You a Keyword.

In Computers, Humor, Résumeé, Technology, Website on January 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I started the New Year doing what is becoming a New Year’s ritual: I looked for a job. Freelancing positions often are terminated at the end of the year, at least in my experience. So, I booted up my GPS and headed off to Purchase, NY, to meet with a headhunter. As an aside, wouldn’t you think that “headhunter” would be considered un-PC in this era? Yet the term remains, just like “Indian Summer.” People probably don’t realize that Indian Summer means a fake summer and refers to tricks pulled by Native Americans on the uninvited settlers of their land. Yet some terms, like “Indian Giver,” “Redskin,” “Casino Owner” and, especially “Indian,” are shunned because of their insensitivity. Well, maybe not the second-to-last one. But I digress, which is what adult sufferers of ADD tend to do, but not Native American ones. I’d hate to be accused of insensitivity.

But back to Purchase, NY: in the course of my interview, it was brought to my attention that my résumé was lacking in some areas. That came as a surprise to me. I thought the new addition of boxes around “Professional Experience” and “Education” added a snazzy aspect to my CV. In fact, I was told that removing the distracting boxes would be an improvement. I was also advised to list my skills above my experience. And, because my résumé would be uploaded to cyberspace, I had to use terms, or keywords, that hiring companies would be seeking out. For instance, I needed to use the word “website” instead of “site,” and list “Adobe Acrobat,” “Chicago Manual of Style,” “AP Stylebook,” “Proofreader Marks,” etc.

Keywords are quickly becoming the bane of my existence. I recently started a website for self-published authors (keyword: indie authors): www.spbroundup.com (forgive the plug, please). I thought I was doing these overlooked authors a favor by providing them with a place to promote their works. I also thought I’d eventually attract advertisers who would want to pay me to appear on my website. I have spent hundreds of hours editing authors’ book descriptions and photos of their jacket covers—and just as much time tracking the traffic to my website and figuring out the perfect keywords to use so that SPBRoundup.com would rank high on Google searches.

Now I have to do the same thing for my résumé? You have got to be kidding me. Wasn’t the computer supposed to make life easier? Yes, I don’t have to print out letters and résumés, address envelopes and lick stamps, but I’m spending just as much time doing keyword searches and formatting my résumé.

I have a perfect keyword for this new requirement. And I’m pretty sure it would rank as number one in the search engines.

 

Self-published authors aren’t shackled by rules others make for them. Their only limits are self-imposed. See what they’re up to at www.spbroundup.com.

 

New Year’s Dissolution

In Computer Software, Computers, Humor, Technology on January 2, 2012 at 12:54 am

While everyone else, on this first day of the new year, is thinking about self-improvement, I’ve been contemplating theft. I wouldn’t think twice about going through with it, if it weren’t for my pesky conscience. If I can persuade my conscience that what I’m planning isn’t really stealing, despite indications to the contrary, then I’ll be good to go.

Back around the time the birth control pill was invented, many Catholics started saying that using the pill was not a sin; bringing children into the world that they couldn’t support was the real sin. They claimed that if their consciences were clear, they didn’t sin. I have a friend who calls this kind of Catholic a “cafeteria Catholic,” meaning he or she picks and chooses from the menu of rules. She freely admits that she has an assigned seat in the cafeteria. Many of us see her regularly.

The concept of sinning against your conscience has gained popularity and acceptance in many circles. If you have no conscience, life is a free-for-all, but most of us do, so we have to periodically check in with it before we act. That’s where I am right now.

It all started with my Christmas gift from my husband: a laptop computer. I already have a desktop computer but it’s so riddled with viruses that I have to wear a mask when I use it. A few months ago, I thought it had crashed for good, but I turned it on anyway. I managed to coax it to life long enough to buy and install software that cleaned it up and promised to protect it from attack forever, or until my next payment was due. So, I was back in business, but it was a slow business. It worked, but it took forever to do anything. Then I got a laptop and my internal debate began.

You see, over the years, I had purchased software for my desktop computer and I didn’t want to have to re-purchase it for my laptop. I wanted to transfer everything from my aged desktop onto my laptop and dispose of the desktop. But, I had clicked “I Agree,” when I downloaded or uploaded the various softwares, and one of the things I had agreed to was that I would not transfer it to another device. By clicking “I Agree,” I had agreed, even though what they were asking me to agree to wasn’t fair. But if I didn’t, they wouldn’t have let me buy the software, and where would I be then? I would be without Microsoft Word, Adobe Acrobat, Norton Security, and more. They kind of had me over a barrel.

Now I have to buy it again and I’m not happy about it. If I were going to keep the desktop, then I suppose it would be fair for them to charge me for additional software for my second computer. But I’m not. If I bought a couch when I lived at one house, the furniture company wouldn’t charge me for the couch again if I moved it to another house. I owned it outright. But software doesn’t work that way. I could start a petition, I suppose, but I think I’ll wait for someone more energetic to do it. All I want is my old software transferred to my new computer.

That’s another problem. I bought most of the software online, meaning it was downloaded onto my computer from the mist once I bought it. I should have gone to a store and purchased a disk so I could upload it willy nilly. But I don’t even know if disks are sold anymore. Due to my indolence, I prefer to click and buy. Now I’m paying the price.

So, back to my dilemma: do I download the software onto disks and then upload it onto my laptop (as if I could figure out how to do this!) or do I buy it again?  And while I’m at it, should I print out all of my Kindle books and have them bound at Staples? It annoys me that you can only lend your Kindle book to another Kindle owner if the author has granted permission for lending it. If you own an author’s hardcover or paperback book, you can lend it out to your heart’s content, as long as the lendee returns it (a shout-out to my sister-in-law).

Life was much simpler when you could see and touch things. If I walked into a store and walked out with a disk or a book I didn’t pay for, I wouldn’t have to confer with my conscience; it would be screaming at me (along with the store’s alarm). But when you’re dealing with merchandise that is invisible, sometimes it’s also hard to see the line between right and wrong.

 

Check out what indie authors have to offer at www.spbroundup.com.

 

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