Patsy Porco

Posts Tagged ‘computers’

The New Kidnappers

In Computers, Humor on August 4, 2016 at 12:39 am

Remember the good old days when criminals hacked into your computer to steal your bank and personal information and they did it discreetly, so that you didn’t notice the theft for days, weeks, or years? You might never have noticed if you hadn’t received foreclosure notices for a house in Kentucky you didn’t know you owned, or if a repo guy didn’t show up to tow a car you never had.

Today’s criminals are gutsy. Not only do they hack into your computer, but they gloat about it, and then demand payment to return your files. Once you pay, what’s to stop them from doing it again? They can ride this money train into the cyberspace sunset.

Check out this email thread that my husband started yesterday on Facebook. His story is true.

8/2/2016

Frank (my husband): My desktop computer at work was hacked. I opened up an email and all of my files were encrypted. I rebooted and then a ransom note appeared saying I had three days to pay in bitcoin currency to get my files decrypted. How crazy is this? Our IT guy is on the case!

Karen E: Damn hackers!

Me: I wonder if modern computer kidnappers talk like old-school people-kidnappers?: “Vee hoff your computair. Send many bitcoin now.”

Art K: Isn’t Paul B an IT expert?????? He may need to be called into the case.

Paul B: Bummer Frank. If u send me the bitcoins I may be able to fix.

Ron B: Good luck Frank. I had the same thing happen to me. The hacker turned on my laptop camera and took a picture of me and threatened to turn over all the “dirt” he could dig up on me. I was able to power down for a day then put a paper clip in the reset button and most of my files were saved. I’m sure there’s a better way but I’m no computer geek.

Me: Did you see “Burn After Reading”? Maybe they were going to give it to the Russians. Haha.

Ron B: Once I knew it was a scam, it was actually hysterical. It had a picture of Pres. Obama saluting the flag and authorizing that I pay the money. The only part that was not hysterical was that I did lose some files and lots of pictures.

Leo C: It was the DNC.


8/3/2016

UPDATE: I’ve received a ransom amount: $287.09. My IT person says the Russians are definitely behind all the hacking done in the U.S. Hey Comrade Hacker, I am not paying a single cent to you. I don’t negotiate with terrorists!

Dano P: Search for the Trend Micro ransomware removal and decryption tools.

Frank: Yeah, my IT guy just added that and he just told me that my backup drive was encrypted as well! This sucks!!!

Dano P: Send bitcoin to ComradeArrakis@TheBigQ.net.

New Year’s Dissolution

In Computer Software, Computers, Humor, Technology on January 2, 2012 at 12:54 am

While everyone else, on this first day of the new year, is thinking about self-improvement, I’ve been contemplating theft. I wouldn’t think twice about going through with it, if it weren’t for my pesky conscience. If I can persuade my conscience that what I’m planning isn’t really stealing, despite indications to the contrary, then I’ll be good to go.

Back around the time the birth control pill was invented, many Catholics started saying that using the pill was not a sin; bringing children into the world that they couldn’t support was the real sin. They claimed that if their consciences were clear, they didn’t sin. I have a friend who calls this kind of Catholic a “cafeteria Catholic,” meaning he or she picks and chooses from the menu of rules. She freely admits that she has an assigned seat in the cafeteria. Many of us see her regularly.

The concept of sinning against your conscience has gained popularity and acceptance in many circles. If you have no conscience, life is a free-for-all, but most of us do, so we have to periodically check in with it before we act. That’s where I am right now.

It all started with my Christmas gift from my husband: a laptop computer. I already have a desktop computer but it’s so riddled with viruses that I have to wear a mask when I use it. A few months ago, I thought it had crashed for good, but I turned it on anyway. I managed to coax it to life long enough to buy and install software that cleaned it up and promised to protect it from attack forever, or until my next payment was due. So, I was back in business, but it was a slow business. It worked, but it took forever to do anything. Then I got a laptop and my internal debate began.

You see, over the years, I had purchased software for my desktop computer and I didn’t want to have to re-purchase it for my laptop. I wanted to transfer everything from my aged desktop onto my laptop and dispose of the desktop. But, I had clicked “I Agree,” when I downloaded or uploaded the various softwares, and one of the things I had agreed to was that I would not transfer it to another device. By clicking “I Agree,” I had agreed, even though what they were asking me to agree to wasn’t fair. But if I didn’t, they wouldn’t have let me buy the software, and where would I be then? I would be without Microsoft Word, Adobe Acrobat, Norton Security, and more. They kind of had me over a barrel.

Now I have to buy it again and I’m not happy about it. If I were going to keep the desktop, then I suppose it would be fair for them to charge me for additional software for my second computer. But I’m not. If I bought a couch when I lived at one house, the furniture company wouldn’t charge me for the couch again if I moved it to another house. I owned it outright. But software doesn’t work that way. I could start a petition, I suppose, but I think I’ll wait for someone more energetic to do it. All I want is my old software transferred to my new computer.

That’s another problem. I bought most of the software online, meaning it was downloaded onto my computer from the mist once I bought it. I should have gone to a store and purchased a disk so I could upload it willy nilly. But I don’t even know if disks are sold anymore. Due to my indolence, I prefer to click and buy. Now I’m paying the price.

So, back to my dilemma: do I download the software onto disks and then upload it onto my laptop (as if I could figure out how to do this!) or do I buy it again?  And while I’m at it, should I print out all of my Kindle books and have them bound at Staples? It annoys me that you can only lend your Kindle book to another Kindle owner if the author has granted permission for lending it. If you own an author’s hardcover or paperback book, you can lend it out to your heart’s content, as long as the lendee returns it (a shout-out to my sister-in-law).

Life was much simpler when you could see and touch things. If I walked into a store and walked out with a disk or a book I didn’t pay for, I wouldn’t have to confer with my conscience; it would be screaming at me (along with the store’s alarm). But when you’re dealing with merchandise that is invisible, sometimes it’s also hard to see the line between right and wrong.

 

Check out what indie authors have to offer at www.spbroundup.com.

 

Butt Seriously

In Big Butts, Humor on January 5, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Back when I was a kid—way before computers were a reality—I read that, in the future, humans would rely on their brains far more than on their bodies. Because we’d be sitting and thinking all day (as well as working on mysterious-sounding computers while robots cleaned our homes and made our dinners), our heads would become huge to accommodate our big brains and our bodies would shrink and shrivel up due to inactivity. Drawings of massive heads attached to stick bodies always accompanied the futuristic stories. Nobody ever explained how our little bodies would be able to hold up our gargantuan heads. 

As it turned out, our heads haven’t grown noticeably, but our bodies have expanded because we sit so much (and eat so much). Rear end size has hit an all-time high, and instead of addressing the problem, society has decided to embrace it and make big derrières fashionable, at least for women. (Fat-bottomed men aren’t yet considered desirable; but then Queen didn’t write a song about them.)

You have to marvel at human resiliency. “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” is a sensible approach. As long as the rest of your body isn’t an unhealthy weight, there really isn’t any reason to reject your big bottom. Body shapes go in and out of fashion, just like clothing styles. If you can’t attain a large posterior on your own—some women will have to struggle harder than others— you can now get implants. Butt implants and breast implants are very popular at this point in our evolution. The female form in profile is beginning to look like a cartoonist’s exaggerated rendering. Which isn’t a bad thing. It just takes some getting used to.

I only hope men don’t decide to jump on the butt implant bandwagon. That could really take some getting used to.

 

Check out what indie authors have to offer at www.spbroundup.com.

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