Yesterday morning, I woke up and my wallet was next to me in bed. I remember that I shopped in my dreams, so I must have paid for my purchases. But what did I do with them? If I paid real money, then I should get real things in return. But if I paid imaginary money, I suppose I’ll only have access to my new things when I sleep. If only I knew how much money was in my wallet when I went to bed. That would clear things up a bit.
Posts Tagged ‘crazy’
Lysol and Holy Water
In Humor on February 16, 2013 at 12:28 amI know it’s not popular to believe in evil spirits, but I do. I just think it’s strange that, back in Jesus’ day, he and his apostles spent a good amount of time casting out evil spirits. Once the demon spirits were expelled, the cured people were good as new.
So, why would evil spirits just suddenly go away? In my opinion, they didn’t. They just went out of fashion. When society stopped believing in them, they didn’t close up shop. They were busier than ever but, once they became passé, they were able to operate under the radar, ignored and blameless. Now, when people were evil or acted crazy, they were labeled as “unstable”—instead of as “possessed.” I imagine that when the demons were given their free pass, they had a hell of a party.
This all relates, of course, to my recent outing on eBay. All winter long, I had been looking for a nice pair of black leather riding boots with a small stacked heel. Because I only shop at Marshalls and TJ Maxx—along with the rest of humanity—pickings were scarce. Either the heels were sky-high or the prices were, which was surprising considering where I was shopping.
By February, I still didn’t have a pair of black boots, so I decided to risk catching plantar warts and buy a gently used pair on eBay. I figured my chances of contracting warts were slim if I sprayed the inside of the boots with Lysol. Anyway, I found the boots I was looking for, won the bidding war, and paid considerably less (including shipping) than I would have at my usual hunting grounds. Once I paid for them, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a look at handbags.
Four successful auctions later, I was the proud owner of one new evening bag and three previously owned leather purses. I got excellent deals on the bags (including shipping); however, I still wasn’t shocked at my husband’s vehement (read “loud”) request that I “get off eBay right now.”
I always confess everything to my husband. Even if I plan in advance to go overboard with whatever I’m doing, I also know that I’m going to tell him what I did, to relieve my guilt. Knowing about my future confession keeps me in check. Kind of.
I told one of my sisters about my purchases and she said, “Ewwww. How can you wear boots, or carry a bag that was owned by someone else?”
“I’m going to wipe down the boots and bags with Lysol wipes and spray their insides with Lysol spray. They’ll be germ-free once I’m done,” I said.
“But they could have bad juju,” she said.
“Juju”? I asked.
“You know, evil spirits or bad auras, or something.”
“Huh,” I said. That was a new one. “Well then, once I clean them, I’ll sprinkle everything, inside and out, with holy water.”
“That might work,” she said. “Hey!” she added, “I think you just invented the next generation of cleaners—ones that get rid of germs and bad juju.”
“Wow,” I said. “You might be right. But, we’ll need to find a new word for juju.”
“Why?” she asked. “Nobody believes in evil spirits, but juju is a commonly accepted thing.”
I can’t help but wonder what kind of people she hangs out with.