I had a terrible sinus headache today. I also had an appointment to meet the doctor who would be performing my colonoscopy. He is in the same practice as my primary-care physician (medical lingo for “regular doctor”) but he’s a specialist and I had never met him before.
After the nurse had escorted me into a little room and had measured my weight and blood pressure, she left me alone after assuring me that the doctor would be with me shortly. Judging from my experience, I sincerely doubted it. So, I lay down on the white paper on the vinyl bed and closed my eyes.
The lights in the room were motion-activated and, since I wasn’t moving, they went off. That suited me fine because my head was pounding and light exacerbates my headaches.
After awhile – a long while – the door opened. I shot up into a sitting position and the lights went on. The doctor grabbed at his heart.
“Oh my God!” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“You scared me to death,” he said.
“I did?” I said. “Why?”
“I thought you were dead,” he said, shaking his head. “I walked into a room that was pitch black and saw you lying on the table. And then you popped up and the lights came on.”
He reached behind himself to make sure there was a chair, and sat down and put his head in his hands.
I laughed. And laughed. “You really thought I was dead?”
He took his head out of his hands and managed to produce a shaky chuckle. “You have to see it from my point of view. When I work at the hospital, I occasionally walk into a room and encounter a dead person. You were lying with your hands crossed over your chest in a dark room. What else would I think?”
“Wow,” I responded. “Did you ever find a dead person in one of your consultation rooms before?”
“No.” He shook his head. “But there’s a first time for everything.”
“I’m sorry I alarmed you,” I said.
“You scared the crap out me,” he said. “By the way, nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” I said.
Later, when I was being given instructions on how to prepare for my colonoscopy, I thought it was only fair that I got to scare the crap out of him – considering what the horrible-tasting liquid he prescribed was going to do to me.
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