Patsy Porco

Posts Tagged ‘pandemic’

Dog Hair Fashion

In fashion, Humor, pets on September 21, 2021 at 1:36 am

Recently, I was shopping online for leggings to wear to my office, which is ten steps from my bedroom. I told myself that I would also wear them to the gym, or at least to my basement where I would exercise in them. I tell myself lots of amusing stories.

What I noticed when I started putting leggings into my virtual shopping cart was that I was ordering a size larger than I used to wear when I commuted to an office in Manhattan … and that I was choosing colors that wouldn’t show dog hair.

This says a lot about how I’ve deteriorated during the pandemic. My body looks like the dough that pops out of those cylindrical containers that you slam on the counter. I’ve learned to work with this by stuffing it into body-contouring foundation garments that move things around and mostly keep them in position. Occasionally, I think that it was easier when I exercised and didn’t have to wear rubber suits under my clothes. Then I go online and look for fun colors in rubber suits.

I’m not the only person who gained weight during the pandemic. However, I’m the only person I have to dress, and it’s disconcerting that most of my pants are tight or don’t button at all. It’s the fashion now to wear the tightest clothing possible despite any lumps, bumps, or downright lava spills your body has. I am from a generation, however, that was taught to dress the body you have, which meant wear clothes that flatter your good points and camouflage your weak ones. I can’t possibly get on the flaunt-your-faulty-body train. I wouldn’t be sold a ticket, anyway, being a body shamer and all.

As for the dog hair, I’ve learned to breathe through my anxiety over it. I vacuum the rugs and crawl around on my hands and knees while scooping up tumbleweeds of hair that congregate in the corners of my house. I even vacuum my couches and chairs and run lint brushes over them. But, as anyone who has a shedding pet knows, it’s an ongoing and futile battle. You have to learn to tolerate some pet hair. There have been times when I’ve vacuumed a room only to have my dog stroll through and leave chunks of hair behind.

During a brief self-improvement phase this summer, I started driving my dog, Duke, to the dog park so we could both get some exercise while walking the trails. That phase ended abruptly when I saw the amount of hair in the backseat of my car. Duke has magnetic hair. As soon as he climbs into the back seat, his hair flies off his body and adheres to the seat he’s in, the back of the seat, the headrests, the back of the front seats, the interior car doors, and the floor mats. It happens so fast that you can’t see it occurring. My tan cloth seats turn into thickly covered hair mats in seconds. It took me hours to get his hair out of my car, and let’s be honest, you never get it all. There are always errant hairs that poke out of the seat covers. Those hairs are perfectly happy in the car’s fabric until a person wearing dark clothing sits down. Then the hairs decide to relocate immediately onto the hem of your black pants or onto the seat of your pants.

So, now I buy bigger clothes that match the color of my dog’s hair, which is blonde. This also explains why I wear white after Labor Day. It’s not a choice. It’s a necessity.

I’d Rather Curse

In COVID-19, Humor on October 16, 2020 at 5:29 am

A few years ago, Socrates’s pronouncement, “An unexamined life is not worth living” was ubiquitous. I remember reading it everywhere, and hearing celebrities and talk-show hosts spout it. The expression was akin to trendy words or phrases that seem to pop out of nowhere and then be heard everywhere, like “my bad” and “I need a drink.” That last one has survived many generations. Others, like “I’ll eat my hat,” didn’t fare as well.

Even when it was popular, “An unexamined life is not worth living” sounded like baloney (another word that is edging its way into obscurity, at least in this sense, and probably in the meat sense, too). Even if it is true, it sounds obnoxious. Examine your life if you’re so inclined, but don’t tell me that if I don’t examine mine, I don’t deserve to live.

If you haven’t yet listed everything you’ve ever done and relegated some of your actions to the positive column and others to the negative column in order to earn your right to life, that can wait. The question that you should really be focusing on is: Am I wearing pants?

I’m not talking about pants that are acceptable in the home, like yoga pants, sweatpants, or boxer shorts. I’m talking about pants that you can wear out in public, or even a skirt or a dress.

If the police arrived at your door right this minute to arrest you, would you feel comfortable going outside in what you’re wearing now? My guess is no. I surely wouldn’t. Fortunately for all of us, mug shots are usually taken from the chest up. But even if your current outfit doesn’t become part of your permanent record, don’t think you won’t be judged by your cellmates. Of course, they’ll probably be in their underwear, too. Which brings me to my point: While we muddle through the health pandemic, we have created another one: a bottomless society.

I recently saw a clip of a newscaster who was broadcasting from home. He was wearing a starched shirt, tie, and suit jacket. Without thinking, he pushed back from his desk and treated his viewing audience to a shot of his boxer shorts.

In ordinary times, this would be noteworthy, but now, it was just an amusing video clip that we all watched from our homes in our pajamas during working hours.

My friend told me that her husband appeared before a judge on a Zoom call yesterday. Her husband looked like he was wearing a suit from the waist up, but he was actually wearing pajamas pants on his bottom half.

Why are we not getting fully dressed? I realize that it’s normal to dress less formally at home than at work, but why have we become averse to dressing our bottoms? I am as guilty as anyone. Probably guiltier, because when I have work video calls, I usually attend them from bed if I’m not required to turn on my laptop’s camera. When I have to be seen, I roll out of bed, pull my hair back into a ponytail, put a giant hoodie on over my nightshirt, and wear big red-framed glasses to distract from my lack of makeup. What is going on with me and the rest of the world?

Are humans intrinsically lazy? I don’t think so, because you just know that in the 1950s, people would have gotten “dolled up” even if they were in the ICU. I’m sure there were plenty of men wearing suits and women wearing starched dresses and white gloves while hooked up to life-saving devices in the hospital. And as soon as they were released, I have no doubt that the men plopped on their fedoras. The women probably wore hats in their beds.

So, why have we – people who have examined our lives and deserve to live … and the rest of us – given up on half of our wardrobe? I think I know.

Early in the pandemic, I started receiving emails from retailers who were pushing sweatpants, yoga pants, and plaid pajama bottoms, because, they claimed, people weren’t wearing dress pants, or even casual pants, any longer. Now, realize, these ads arrived about a week into the pandemic. At the time, most of the world had been blindsided by COVID-19, and we were focused on our survival … and where to find toilet paper. We certainly weren’t thinking about quarantine fashion. But retailers were, and they pounced. They told us that we didn’t need to bother dressing our lower halves in work attire, and that we should all wear the equivalent of pajama pants all the time.

And we fell for it. All of a sudden, online stores had massive sales on extremely casual pants and we loaded up on them. And because these pants usually had elastic waistbands, we didn’t notice that we were loading up on food, as well. Several months into the pandemic, we couldn’t get into our nice pants and skirts even in our dreams.

You know who should examine their lives? The marketers and stores that told us to spend our days in loungewear. Not only have they turned us into a world of slobs, they’re also responsible for our collective weight gain. We had nothing to do with it.

This is a perfect example of why my life is better unexamined. I wouldn’t take the blame for my transgressions, anyway. I’d blame someone else.

Which reminds me: In the 1970s, another pompous saying was popular, “It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.” You heard it everywhere. It was a very old Chinese proverb that was adopted by Father James Keller, the founder of the Christophers, in the 1940s.

Suddenly, one day, we all woke up and everyone was reciting it, when they weren’t the day before. Everywhere you went, you heard, “It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.” To which, witty people would respond, “I’d rather curse.”

I would, too.

Photo by Luke Peters on Unsplash

May We Have a List, God?

In COVID-19, Humor, Racism on June 1, 2020 at 3:06 pm

“Oh great,” I called out to my brother, Gus, who was in his bedroom down the hall from my office. He’s been staying with us during the COVID-19 pandemic.

“What?”

“Now there’s an Ebola epidemic in the Congo,” I said. “If people start flying again, we’ll probably have Ebola in the U.S. within six months.”

“I would hope that the airlines would take precautions before allowing people from the Congo to get on a plane,” Gus said.

“I think they’ll be very cautious with this epidemic, ” I said.

“I hope so,” Gus said. “But I’m wearing a mask for the rest of my life.”

I laughed. “I’ll start making you face masks featuring bands from the 1980s, then.”

That got a chuckle from Gus. But he didn’t say no to my offer. Gus loves his 80s bands.

“But, seriously, these are scary times we’re living in,” I said. “COVID, rioting in the streets over the murder of George Floyd, systemic racism and sexism in our society, people shooting up schools and businesses, the opioid epidemic, an increase in mental illness, and now Ebola. God is definitely sending us a message.”

“But what is the message?” Gus asked.

“We need to change,” I said.

“Change what?” Gus asked. “Change everything, I guess. But what in particular is God telling us to do differently?”

“I’ll need to think about this,” I said. “I’m not good at giving well-thought-out responses off-the-cuff. But, I do think God is telling us something.”

“I agree,” Gus said, “But at this point, we are going to need instructions.”

Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha

Musings and books from a grunty overthinker

The World Through My Glasses

Travel | Food | Photography

Alison Williams Writing

MAKE YOUR BOOK THE BEST IT CAN BE

Writing Slices

Reading the Books that Teach You to Write

Gabriele Romano

Personal Blog

Chuck Smith: Author, Blogger, Rambler

Truths, Half-Truths, and Lies

Little Fears

Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes

Pauls Pages Too

Extra Content from PaulsPages.com

Crazartt

Good things are going to happen@Mehakkhorana

Gareth Roberts

Unorthodox Marketing & Strategy

meganelizabethmorales

MANNERS MAKETH MAN, LOST BOYS FAN & PERPETAUL CREATIVITY.

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

A Wifes Reality

The things women don't and won't say about their past and present, true story.

Jamaica Homes

Jamaica Homes: Find Your Dream Property in Jamaica. Search Homes for Sale & Rent.

A Voice for Them

Love | Empathize | Care

My Blog

A fine WordPress.com site

Wonderful Cinema

Short reviews on high quality films. No spoilers.

this is... The Neighborhood

the Story within the Story

Playing Your Hand Right

Showing America how to Live

100 Shoes Blog

Style | Travel | Genuine Living

Chicks With Ticks

Our mission at Chicks with Ticks is to enlighten and empower those who work or play in the great outdoors by providing a source for information, inspiration, and practical help on how to enjoy, enhance, and survive any outdoor adventure.

mbove

Nice Golf Corpse Mysteries

So Far From Heaven

Too many reincarnations in a single lifetime to trust this one.

The Collected Wisdom OF Godfrey

He Was An Odd Young Man WHo DIsliked Beets

Harmony Books & Films, LLC

Tired of being ordinary, then here are some tips for becoming extraordinary.

Sally and David's amazing adventures

Tales of two (almost) virgin travellers

JANNAT007

Watch Your Thoughts; They Become Words

Aunt Beulah

living well to age well

The Bloggess

Like Mother Teresa, only better.

psychologistmimi

Food, Road Trips & Notes from the Non-Profit Underground

Dispatches from the Asylum

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” ― Douglas Adams

ChompChomp

Food and Travel

I.A.

Cooking and More

Tripambitions

It contains the world best places and things.

Conundrum.

Dabbles in writing, loves music and nature. Sierra Leonean

Amber & Corde

A journey of expanding my dog's world

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me