Patsy Porco

The Harlem Serpentine

In Humor, New York City on May 19, 2016 at 4:41 am

My cousin, Melon, recently assured me that Harlem is perfectly safe and not at all like it used to be, when it was dangerous. I was impressed with Melon’s knowledge about Harlem, since she lives in a Washington, D.C. suburb. But, in her defense, her daughter attends an excellent college not far from Harlem, so Melon has probably driven through the neighborhood.

Melon has not, however, stood on the corner of 125th Street and Lexington Avenue for half an hour, looking like a lost tourist, like I did this evening. Due to a fire on the Metro North train tracks in Harlem yesterday, the train schedules are in disarray. If you are lucky enough to be on the platform when the rare train arrives, and are able to spot an opening in the aisle where you can forcefully cram your body and belongings, you’ll be rewarded by standing for an hour, shoulder to nearest body part of your neighbor, while rocking to the gentle rhythm of the train and trying not to fall into the lap of the nearest seated passenger.

This morning, my husband kindly offered to take me away from all of that by driving me from Connecticut to the Bronx, where I could catch the #6 train to Grand Central Terminal. I agreed to his plan, and my morning commute was very pleasant. He also offered to pick me up after work at the same place where he dropped me off. However, later in the day my husband had to go to Queens, so he suggested that I take the subway to Harlem and he’d swing by on his way back.

We agreed to meet at 125th Street and Lexington Avenue at 7 p.m., right outside the subway exit. I got there 15 minutes early, while he got caught in traffic, due to the mess that was created by the fire on 118th Street. Every ten minutes, he called to say he’d be there in ten minutes. I received at least three of those calls.

Intellectually, I knew that my cousin, Melon, was right. Harlem had undergone a gentrification over recent years, and people were rarely murdered there anymore. Even President Clinton rents office space there now, which could lead one to infer that he feels comfortable and safe in Harlem, or he was paid to work there to promote the neighborhood and his bodyguards are former Navy Seals.

In truth, as I waited, I really was never afraid. It was still daylight, and while the intersection I was in was not even mildly touched by gentrification, there were plenty of people around — people who would deny seeing anything even if I were clubbed over the head in front of them. But there were also lots of respectable people coming home from work, and bus drivers standing on each corner awaiting the arrival of their busses, so I tried to ignore the clots of dissolute loiterers lounging against the rails of the subway steps, jabbering senselessly on the street corners, and skulking in the shop doorways, all while sizing me up with side glances.

Each time my husband called and said he’d be there in ten minutes, I would immediately dash into a store for five minutes. But then I’d panic that he’d get there early, so I’d run back to my corner. The traffic at that intersection is non-stop and if I weren’t on the correct side of the street when he pulled up, he’d have to keep driving, without me. Therefore, being in the correct place at the exact time he arrived was crucial.

So, while, as I said, I wasn’t fearful, I also wasn’t carefree. As I waited, I instinctively started meandering side to side, and around in circles. I did it slowly, so as not to attract attention. I probably did attract some notice, but I didn’t want to check, in case I made eye contact with someone. I didn’t realize at first why I was zig-zagging. Then, it came to me: I was following Peter Falk’s instructions to Alan Arkin, in The In-Laws, regarding how to walk (“Serpentine, Shel!”) in order to avoid being shot. I didn’t really expect to be shot, but I thought a handbag-grab wasn’t out of the question.

Eventually, my husband showed up at the intersection, I got in the car with my handbag, and he said, “Now, isn’t this much better than being on a Metro North train that is delayed 60 to 90 minutes?”

“Why, yes,” I said. “It is. Thank you so much for doing this for me.” He did have good intentions, after all, and he went to a lot of trouble getting me to and from work, and I was grateful for that. Then wasn’t the time to complain. There would be plenty of time later.

Besides, I suddenly had a craving for fruit. “Would you mind pulling over near that cart?” I asked, pointing to a fruit wagon on Lexington Avenue. “I would love to get my hands on a melon.”

 

  1. Cute ending! I had no idea you commute into Manhattan, brave girl.

Leave a reply to Patsy Porco Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha

Musings and books from a grunty overthinker

The World Through My Glasses

Travel | Food | Photography

Alison Williams Writing

MAKE YOUR BOOK THE BEST IT CAN BE

Writing Slices

Reading the Books that Teach You to Write

Gabriele Romano

Personal Blog

Chuck Smith: Author, Blogger, Rambler

Truths, Half-Truths, and Lies

Little Fears

Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes

Pauls Pages Too

Extra Content from PaulsPages.com

Crazartt

Good things are going to happen@Mehakkhorana

Gareth Roberts

Unorthodox Marketing & Strategy

meganelizabethmorales

MANNERS MAKETH MAN, LOST BOYS FAN & PERPETAUL CREATIVITY.

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

A Wifes Reality

The things women don't and won't say about their past and present, true story.

Jamaica Homes

Jamaica Homes: Find Your Dream Property in Jamaica. Search Homes for Sale & Rent.

A Voice for Them

Love | Empathize | Care

My Blog

A fine WordPress.com site

Wonderful Cinema

Short reviews on high quality films. No spoilers.

this is... The Neighborhood

the Story within the Story

Playing Your Hand Right

Showing America how to Live

100 Shoes Blog

Style | Travel | Genuine Living

Chicks With Ticks

Our mission at Chicks with Ticks is to enlighten and empower those who work or play in the great outdoors by providing a source for information, inspiration, and practical help on how to enjoy, enhance, and survive any outdoor adventure.

mbove

Nice Golf Corpse Mysteries

So Far From Heaven

Too many reincarnations in a single lifetime to trust this one.

The Collected Wisdom OF Godfrey

He Was An Odd Young Man WHo DIsliked Beets

Harmony Books & Films, LLC

Tired of being ordinary, then here are some tips for becoming extraordinary.

Sally and David's amazing adventures

Tales of two (almost) virgin travellers

JANNAT007

Watch Your Thoughts; They Become Words

Aunt Beulah

living well to age well

The Bloggess

Like Mother Teresa, only better.

psychologistmimi

Food, Road Trips & Notes from the Non-Profit Underground

Dispatches from the Asylum

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” ― Douglas Adams

ChompChomp

Food and Travel

I.A.

Cooking and More

Tripambitions

It contains the world best places and things.

Conundrum.

Dabbles in writing, loves music and nature. Sierra Leonean

Amber & Corde

A journey of expanding my dog's world

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me