Sex confuses me. Not human sex. My husband and I have a son, so we figured out the basics on that.
Not animal sex, either … except for those species that reproduce without a mate, through parthenogenesis, also known as virgin birth. That’s just crazy.
Plant sex, however, is beyond my understanding, even though I took a botany course in college. What I mainly remember from that class is getting accused of smoking pot with other students during our break. We were smoking a plant, but it was the tobacco plant, not the marijuana plant. (This was in the 1980s when smoking was allowed in the hallways. Ashtrays were outside of every classroom. Oh, the good old days, when everyone wasn’t so uptight.)
I also recall learning that there are female and male plants. There are also some plants that have both male and female flowers. Then there are plants with perfect, or bisexual, flowers (perfect = bisexual? There’s food for thought), containing both male and female organs. Bees, insects, birds, bats, or the wind take pollen from the male and deposit it in the female. Regardless of what kind of flowers a plant has, in order for a vegetable (called fruit) to grow from the flower, plant sex must occur.
I have a friend whose asparagus plants weren’t producing vegetables. She researched the subject and discovered that the male plants and female plants weren’t getting together. She then instructed her husband to take a Q-Tip and rub it inside all of the plants’ flowers. His hand-pollination worked. She got asparagus. The irony is that she couldn’t pick the vegetables that her husband helped create because you have to let those plants mature for a few years before harvesting them. The bottom line was that they bought their asparagus that year.
I once heard a priest tell us that his mother always wanted peony bushes along both sides of her front walkway. His father dutifully planted peonies. While the plants flourished, no flowers appeared. His mother figured out that the males and females weren’t mixing it up, so his father dug up every other plant on each side of the walk and moved them each to the opposite side. The next year, there were flowers. (I think the lack of flowers had to do with how they were planted, but I kept mum when I saw him.)
This year, I’m faced with a similar situation with my eggplant plant. It has lovely purple flowers, but no fruit (vegetable, actually). I looked up eggplants and found that they have perfect (bisexual) flowers, containing both male and female organs. Even though they have all they need to produce fruit, there’s still a chance that they could use a little help. (Really? You just know that the male part won’t put down the remote for even one second.) Therefore, humans need to use a fine brush, a Q-Tip, or his/her breath to get things stirring … but sex is most fruitful between 6 a.m. and 11 a.m. Occasionally, afternoon nookie works, too.
So, if I want to grow eggplants, I’m going to have to get up early and assist in eggplant sex. Apparently, even bisexuals don’t have sex all the time.
Patsy Porco's Blog: Free and Worth It! 
Thanks. I always like reading about sex. Do plants ever smoke after sex? Does tobacco ever smoke itself after sex?
Well if some animals and fish can procreate by themselves, then I guess tobacco should be able to smoke itself. It only makes sense, right? I don’t know if plants smoke after sex. I’ll run a check on that. It might take awhile to catch them in the act, though. Thanks for the laugh.
That was educational! My eggplants are producing, so things must be all okay out there.
Thanks for reminding me! I have to get outside and make things happen in the eggplant bed! Congrats on your eggplants!
Wow, I never realised plant sex was a rocket science! What a tricky and fun post. Now I need to go and check the sex life of my plants.
My eggplant plant produced nothing, despite my best efforts. Next year, each plant is getting sexy lingerie.
Haha 😀
Reblogged this on CrapPile.
I really appreciate your doing this for a complete stranger! God bless you!
My pleasure. I love your blog. By the way, both posts I reblogged have received over 30 views each from my end, I really hope some of that traffic flows over to your own page
You are so nice! You’re doing something right regarding attracting readers. Good job! When you write your book, maybe I can copyedit it, since that’s my profession. We could have a symbiotic relationship!
I did get the traffic in my stats! Thanks! Hopefully these readers will come back!
It’s a deal! Without giving anything away, let me just say that if you like what I post and my style of writing then you will love my boom
As well as your boom, I’m sure I’ll like your book! I had to mention “boom,” in case you were testing my copyediting skills.
Sorry, typo. The downfall of walking and typing at the same time!
I just thought you were testing my copyediting skills.
I’m not that mean lol
Patsy, I want you to know that I don’t care how many followers I get or how many views my posts get. You are a better blogger than I am. You have been keeping up your blog for years whereas I’ve gone through many off and on during that same time period. Your posts are from the heart, where mine are either from my head or out of my ass (pardon my language). Please just keep on doing what you do and know that I am a huge fan of your work
Thank you! But don’t belittle your own ability. You’re an excellent writer. I hope you write more about your experience in the marines. But whatever you write about, you should know that your posts are well-written and engaging.
I meant Marines.